I’m a Wife and a mother.

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Inland Empire area market:

‘ Rancho Cucamonga Barbie’
This princess Barbie is sold only at Victoria Gardens. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags,
a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter
house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic
Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

‘ Upland Barbie’
The
modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

‘ Pomona Barbie’
This
recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills) .unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you
are talking about.

‘Chino Hills Barbie’
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private
School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

‘Fontucky Barbie’
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr.
CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when
she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a
confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.